We think that the hardest thing in a relationship is finding the right person. After that, we fall in love and live happily ever after, right? Those in a relationship know all too well that fairy tales are only true in the movies. The truth of the matter is that having and maintaining a relationship is not easy. The rate of divorce tells us that love is not enough; other factors are needed to keep a relationship going.
In the beginning, we are single, we are solo, we are alone. Like butterflies, we investigate the flowers of the field in search of possibilities. Some of us are shy, others are bold, but all of us are looking for that perfect match. In the beginning, we test out love on the basis of talk and touch. If our words connect in a way that is pleasing, we move on to touch. If the touch is pleasing, we relax just enough to let down our shields so we can examine each other’s true values. Little by little, we learn how we are alike and how we are different. Sometimes, we fool ourselves into thinking that we are more alike than different. Sometimes, we fool ourselves into thinking we are more different than alike. Sometimes, to keep from “seeming the fool”, we proceed with the relationship but secretly keep the motor running and leave one foot out of the door.
*TWO MATURE INDIVIDUALS
*GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
*THE ABILITY TO CHANGE
*ABILITY TO COMPROMISE
*A WILLINGNESS TO WORK TOGETHER
*KNOWING WHEN TO BACK OFF
*LOVE, HUGS, KISSES AND LOVEMAKING
Before we know what’s happening, a kind of brainwashing can occur, complete with its own chemistry. Like addicts to a drug, we may lie, steal and cheat in order to aid in our own abduction. Like a storm, extra-marital affairs affect everyone in their path but the real damage is done to the sacred trust we call loyalty, which lies at the very heart of the relationship. My own research suggests that love is important and it’s important to feel satisfied with love in a relationship. In the quest for marital satisfaction, however, love itself is not enough! You must also be able to trust your partner when your back is turned! In other words, to a very large extent, satisfaction in marriage depends on our satisfaction with loyalty in the relationship
Sometimes when we pass each other’s tests and we pledge our undying loyalty to each other, we also make a commitment to remain together forever. At this point, our love begins to multiply! Our extended families become a very real part of the picture, maybe we add some children, some pets, and a mortgage, and then poof, we become citizens in a much more complicated and demanding family system. Couples who keep talking, touching and deciding things together, soon find that they can co-command any size ship from a rowboat to an aircraft carrier. However, without the talking and the touching and deciding things together, life can become as unsteady as a canoe.